In this article, I will walk through the 4 steps to fly above insecurities in our lives and get more freedom.

Change is not easy, but we can live a life without insecurities if we can do the following:

1. let go of secrets,
2. forgive ourselves,
3. enhance our identity and
4. remove toxic people.

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Insecurities keeps us stuck on the ground.

When we try to change or do something different, it causes us to feel that our safety is being threatened. It causes us to fear being alone and it causes us to fight to rediscover our identity.

So in order to overcome insecurity, we need to engage in activities that will suspend our fears and create enough space so our new habits and identities can take root. The more comfortable you can feel about changing, the more secure and confident you can be. The more you can fly above insecurities the greater your chance to grow more secure.

That is the purpose of the following 4 steps. They will help you get through the mess and create space to get comfortable with your new self.

It is not your fault and you are not broken. If you were raised by safe parents and if you strived in your upbringing the end result was that you are supposed to come out self conscious in some way.

1. Remove the secrets!

The things we fear hold the most power when they remain alive in the dark. To become successful, it is important that we move our fears from the dark and hidden places, to a place out in the open where there’s light.

Fire Drill Principle:

Seven people die each day in reported U.S home fires. If you live, work or sleep in a building, this is one of your worst case scenarios. The reason we practice fire drills is to rehearse the plans, roles and responsibilities that will allow everyone to exit the building in an orderly and safe way in the event of a fire.

Essentially, fire drills allow us to confront an otherwise unspoken fear and they bring clear sight through a plan.

In the same way, we need to bring out our unspoken fears and talk about them. We also need to make a plan to confront those fears when they come out of the hidden places of our thoughts.

So…Do not be afraid of talking about your worst fears. Speak to a loved one or speak to a therapist.

Bring out those fears so you can feel a little less burdened and a little more free. Fly above those insecurities!

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2. Forgiveness allows you to live in peace

Principle 1: You have to forgive others

Principle 2: You have to forgive yourself

Of these two principles, chances are, you are struggling with either one or both. The issue here is the fact that you will not have permission to live freely as long as an offense is renting out space in your heart and mind.

If the memory of your last failure haunts your next decision, you will always act out of survival and never be able to shake the insecurity.

If the memory of how someone who has failed you haunts your next decision, you will always act out of a fear of being hurt again.

Let go, forgive and be free. Fly above those insecurities!

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3. Re-script who you are, before you change what you do

Your mind is the battle ground. If you can win in your thoughts you can win in your actions.

Here are some ways to re-script your identity and start winning in your thoughts:

Do not start with the struggle, start with the finish.

Example:

Instead of saying, “I’m trying to quit smoking.” Say, “I am not a smoker.”

When you can take the struggle off center stage, you can start owning the results. If you own the result, you start making decisions based off of what you believe about yourself instead of making decisions based off of what you believe about the struggle.

Find a higher source to tell you who you are

Sometimes our concept of ourselves is so broken, that we need another person to come in and tell us what we are not able to make sense of on our own.

It takes finding someone that you look up to and respect. I also recommend finding someone that you can trust blindly. Options include: pastor/spiritual leader, a therapist, a mentor, a healthy father/mother figure or a trusted friend.

Fake it until you make it

“Courage is not the absence of fear it is moving forward despite it.” – Mark Twain

There is validity to moving forward in something even though you do not believe in yourself enough to finish it.

At the beginning of therapy sessions, I often come across individuals that struggle to believe that they will be able to actually heal from their trauma. I always say to them, “I do not need you to believe for now, I just need you to take steps forward.”

Why? Why is faking it good enough?

Look at the next point I’m going to make:

Forming habits does not change your results, they change your preferences. Your preferences changes your results.

If we fake it long enough, we will form new habits.

That is the key to overcoming insecurity. It is not done miraculously, it is done by plugging in the things we believe about ourselves consistently + the things we make pretend to believe about ourselves consistently. This will then equal to a new way of life.

The power of habits is that you eventually get to a place where you prefer OR are used to a set of new behaviors.

And because you are used to your new habits, your old ones kind of…fall off. It just doesn’t fit any more.

I remember after a series of dentist visits a couple of years ago where the team had to give me root canals, fill in cavities, and cause all kinds of trauma to my mouth. I was told, that I needed to floss my teeth. The next day I bought floss and every day plugged away flossing my teeth. I am now in a place where not flossing my teeth in the morning sets my entire day off. It just isn’t normal to not floss my teeth anymore, it just isn’t my preference.

4. Stop the noise of toxicity

**Just a note: This is the only step that requires you to deal with the outside world. Getting more secure has 75% more to do with what happens in the space in between your ears, than what you do with the people around you.

People can be toxic.

If you are to get genuinely secure, you must cut some people off.

Here is what you are going to do:

• Get a piece of paper
• Write down the names of people that don’t just make you feel bad about what you do, but also make you feel bad about who you are
• Separate the list into two groups-

• 1. Really Evil People – These are the people are just unhealthy to be around. They are a cancer to you.
• 2. Moderately Evil People – These are people that do not know better.

• Completely cut off the really evil people (break up, erase phone numbers, send a letter, Do not disturb, restraining order, ignore, etc).
• For the moderately evil ones, that do not know any better, set up airport security protocols for the soul.

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How to setup Airport Security Protocols for your soul:

Your soul is your country. The citizens of your soul are all the values and attributes that you hold dear. These are values like being a good parent, or attributes like taking educated risks. You soul’s residents include your emotions and state of mind.

The moderately evil person’s comments, opinions and actions are immigrants that are looking to access and take residence in your soul.

Just like visa and passport needs to be cleared before we enter a new country, every comment or thought of that moderately evil person needs to be cleared by you before it take residence in your soul.

No one gets access to your values, attributes and security until you approve their entry.

For many of us this is the only way to deal with toxic people when those toxic people are our spouses, kids, siblings, parents or work acquaintances. We may not be able to cut them off but we can deal with their thoughts.

Was this helpful?

I hope this article was helpful in helping you fly above insecurities in your own life. I gave you 4 simple steps that will allow you to get suspend your insecurities and give you enough breathing room to grow confident. You should walk with your head up and walk confidently into all your new endeavors.

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